A senator dies and goes to heaven

While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator (that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St.. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really? I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the Senator.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.

In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell…

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

“I don’t understand,” stammers the Senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil smiles at him and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted..”


A Christian and an Atheist walk into a bar.  They procede to have a few drinks and enjoy each other’s company because they’re not pretentious assholes.



Eat your chicken

That’s right.  Enjoy it.  Chow down.  Get seconds and eat some more.  Savor every bite.

But before you swallow, look at it.  Get a real good look at that fried bird on bread.  Take a moment to really take it in.

‘Cuz this is it.  Your church leaders have failed you.  Your politicians ignore you.  The media laughs at your demise and mocks you daily.

Because you made fag sex your focus.  All that insecurity about the life you chose, the company you keep,  the future your ‘children’ will choose.  And it comes to this.

A chicken sandwich.  This is all the power you have left.  A fast food sandwich.  And you’re banking all the power you have left on expressing yourself through an ephemeral media event.

In two weeks no one will remember this, how you stood in line for a sandwich in hopes your little obsession might be noticed.  And then it’s over.

The future is coming for you, for your family.  There is no stopping it.  You cannot resist the inevitable, you cannot depend on your church or your politicians to do anything but to keep selling you out.

All you have is this sandwich.  Same-sex marriage will be a reality any day now, like gays in the military; the legal wheels are already in motion.  Gays in your children’s schools.  Gays on television and gays in the church and government.  Because nobody with any real power actually cares what fags do.  Only you.

(grabbed from a screenshot at 4chan.org)